


Not Your Boyfriend

by lawgrain



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Dan Howell Is A Little Shit, M/M, Prompt Fic, Secret Identity, Secret Identity Fail, Superhero Phil Lester, Supervillain Dan Howell, superpower au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-15 07:52:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawgrain/pseuds/lawgrain
Summary: Dan is Phil's biggest nemesis. Only problem is, he doesn't know the mans name and the super villain is convinced that Phil is his boyfriend. Sometimes Phil hates being a superhero...Aka. I saw a prompt fic that was something along the lines of "where a superhero has to deal with a super villain that thinks they’re best friends" (Forgot where I saw it) Change best friend to boyfriend and boom, you have a weird little fic that's been chilling out on my drive.





	1. Chapter 1

**Phil's POV**

“Put it down.”

“But honey!”

“Why do you insist upon being difficult?”

“Darling, I was getting it for you. I thought it'd be special.”

“For the last time. We. Are. NOT. Dating.”

Phil put his head in his hands out of exasperation. Normally it's a dangerous idea to break eye contact with the enemy but this was a special case. 

This was Phantom Dove. 

Phil hates him. Primarily because he decided to spend his time pretending Phil was his lover and they most certainly were not. 

“Gasp! Are you breaking up with me?”

“Did you actually just say ‘gasp’? And no I'm not breaking up with you because we were never together!” Phil didn't know why he even humors the man. 

“Oh good so you're not breaking up with me. And the gasp was for irony so you can't say anything.” Phantom smiled innocently, completely ignoring the latter part of Phil's statement. 

They could honestly go all day if Phil didn't put an end to this. 

“Just put the jewels down and we’ll get you to the police.”

“Really? Has that ever worked with me before?” Phantom’s voice laced with sarcasm because no, it had not worked. Ever. 

“Fine. Shall you start or me?”

“Awe, you know I’d never throw the first punch, love.” 

And just like that, they were off. Phil threw a powered punch straight towards Phantoms head. He dodged leaving just barely a space between his nose and Phil's fist. He shot a light beam with his other hand. Again Phantom dodged. Phil heard a shattering of glass behind them where his attack must have landed. He didn't hesitate at the sound and barreled forward with a kick aimed towards his side. This time it landed, shoving Phantom to the floor. 

Quickly, the other got up. “You got one in, babe! You're getting so good at thi–” Phil cut him of with lasers streaming from his eyes. And no, not figuratively. Phantom jumped to the other side of the room ten feet away. Phil always hated when he did that. He liked playing a game of cat and mouse where Phil would have to guess where he'd be next. 

Phil wasn't having that today. He flew forward, eyes lit up and ready to attack. He got ahold of Phantom and pinned him in the wall a few feet above the ground. 

“Oh darling, I didn't know we were going to play kinky today.” He smiled. “Want me to call you daddy?”

Phil sputtered in shock. He wanted to kill Phantom right now. Taking advantage of Phil's hesitation, Phantom electrocuted him. 

Phil didn't even see how he did it. Usually the man had to touch his hands to Phil in order to shock him but Phil thought he had the other securely pinned. 

That didn't matter now as Phil laid on the floor with an approaching super villain. 

“Wow, I hope that didn't hurt too much.” He leaned down and inserted something in Phil's arm. “Don't worry about this. It's just a thing I made that'll keep you still long enough for me to get out of here.” He pulled back and saw what must've been the syringe he put in his arm. 

The thief continued to raid the place for more priceless items while Phil was unable to move a muscle. Before long, sirens could be heard in the distance. 

“That's my que! I'd tell you when that stuff wears off, but considering your super healing, I don't actually know. Feel free to tell me later. Bye love!” 

And then Phantom was gone. The police lost him and by the time Phil was able to move, it was much too late. He had disappeared like a ghost. 

After speaking to the police, Phil was finally able to hang up the cape for the night and focus on getting sleep for his day job. Somehow, masquerading as a vigilante in a mask didn't help him make a living. That's why during the day, he worked as a film editor for various companies and people. He liked working on small projects so he could stay at home. 

Once he'd considered becoming part of the police force, but luckily his common sense kicked in and he realized that would be too strenuous to keep up when he went out every night. He much preferred the decision he made. He got to put away his false sense of seriousness and be an actual person with friends. 

When Phil was younger he couldn't say he had much of a social life. He was awkward and majorly confused at why he could fly and others could not. Later it became known that superpowers were a thing. Sadly, the world found out because of a super villain, but Phil supposed that was how he became the world's first superhero. 

Surprisingly, the world wasn't complaining. Not about Phil at least. He knew that the lack of hatred was due mostly to how much crime had gone down in his city. Phil always caught the bad guy and not many with superpowered people were psychotic. The few that were caused unrest and Phil made sure to stop them as quickly as possible. 

The only one Phil couldn't seem to catch was Phantom. It was ridiculous that a villain that took nothing seriously could always best Phil. It wasn't like the man was a top priority, but he still irked Phil. Most people had some sort of reason for crime but Phantom Dove made it look like a hobby. No motive, no purpose, just a thing to do. And that made him unpredictable. He lived up to the name Phantom. The man couldn't be found or tracked. He simply appeared for the heck of it and disappeared when things got tough. 

Phil couldn’t wait to catch him. He couldn't wait to finally put a name on the obnoxious man. And he certainly couldn't wait to put him in jail. 

 

 **Dan's POV**

Fighting was a fucking bitch. 

Dan should've been quicker. Should've dodged that kick better. If there was one thing he envied about Light Knight was his super healing abilities. Actually Dan would be happy with any superpowers. 

Oh yeah, that's the real ringer isn't it? The super villain of the city isn't super at all. Not that Dan would sell himself short. His genius inventions had somehow tricked everyone that he was super. Even the city's superhero thought so. 

Although that came with some downsides. For example, the hero never held back on Dan. Meaning he always came home with cuts and bruises and today he had a really bad bruise on his ribs. While his suit could absorb the brunt of any blow, he was pretty sure the surrounding neighbors thought he was abused. 

Dan had tried stalling the man after that particular attack, but was certain the hero was too focused on winning to hear the strain in his voice. It didn't matter in the end. Dan had won and left with a lot more money than he came in with. 

That wasn't the real prize though. No, the real prize was the Light Knight. Dan had been utterly paranoid about the man. He felt unsettled that he could be anybody on the streets and he'd have no idea. Dan set out to fix this and put a tracker on him while he was paralyzed. 

Sure there were some ethical things being broken here, but Dan wanted to feel safe. So what if that involved violating someone's privacy? Then again Dan could've picked a less dangerous occupation if he wanted security. 

Too late now. 

Taking some pain medication, Dan took to looking at where the tracker was. Needless to say, he was beyond relieved to find out the hero wasn't a neighbor. That was somehow a worse case scenario to Dan. But it wasn't to be because when the man had settled for the night, he was not in Dan's area. 

This brought Dan to phase two. He wanted to know the man's name. For others this would be hard but something tells him that no one knows of his side hobby: hacking. 

He knows that his life decisions were morally ambiguous, but fuck society. 

He had actually picked up the hobby as a thing of boredom. He wanted access to things the internet simply refused to supply and Dan just wasn't okay with that. He didn't know at the time that he was going to become a criminal, but it certainly didn't hurt when he accessed Light Knight’s building security, traced the footage from when he entered the building and then to the when the man arrived at his flat. And it really helped when he searched for the homeowners name of said flat. 

Philip Lester. A rather disappointing name in Dan's opinion. 

He supposed it was alright but he was sort of hoping for better material to tease the man with. Dan was fully aware that he shouldn’t piss off a guy with powers, but he couldn't help it. When he put on his suit he could be anyone he wanted. And he wanted to tease the straight-laced grumpy hero who was apparently called “Phil”. 

Phil was the first thing that gave him actual happiness in a long time. He had been in the middle of a more complicated heist when they had met. Honestly, it wasn't extremely complicated other than the fact that Dan was apparently working with idiots. One of which would've gotten Dan killed, accidentally knocking him from the roof of a building, if it weren't for Light Knight catching him. For that reason, Dan wasn't even upset that his temporary partners were caught. In fact, it gave Dan the chance to sneak away. 

After he started engaging with the hero as much as possible. Dan had never met a man that would give a criminal a second thought— someone who would save a criminal. He was used to people who shoot first and asked questions later. Once he'd gotten to know the hero more, Dan found himself enjoying their banter and quick quips. It got to the point where Dan thought they had a sort of relationship. 

And not a romantic one. He wasn't delusional. That type of bantering started when he found out how much it bothered Light Knight and only then did he start to use flirting at every turn. It was refreshing to be able to do things he'd never do with the mask off. As Phantom Dove he could be confident, flirty and silly. As Dan Howell he was just a quiet depressing loner. Given his options, Dan chose to go with the thrill of being Light Knight’s friendly enemy. The relationship wasn't necessarily a positive one... But if a rivalry was the only connection Dan could have with someone, he'd take it. 

He doubted the hero genuinely hated him though. Believe it or not, Dan wasn't the only bad guy around. While he relied on technology for crime, others actually did have superpowers. They also had no qualms about killing others which Dan would never do. If it's destruction and theft, count Dan in, but if it's world domination and murder, he wants no part in the deal. He thinks Light Knight just is pissed that he can't catch Dan. Well that and Dan insists on making suggestive comments to him. 

Plus there was that one time he went overboard and said Light Knight was his boyfriend on national tv. The next time they saw each other he received some bruises that lasted a month. 

Worth it. 

For now though, all Dan had on his mind was how he was going to use this information to get under Phil's skin. He wouldn't deal out the information to others but there was no way he wasn't going to have some fun with this. 

He couldn't wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**Phil’s POV**

_I swear, if he calls me more pet names I’ll hospitalize him._

Phil was extra grumpy tonight. Somehow the video file he’d been working on got erased from his computer and his boss chewed him out for it. Now he was stood in the middle of a museum with Phantom trying on some priceless tiara. He could tell his day was about to get worse.

“Hey sweets, do you think this looks good on me?”

_Here we go._

“Can you cut it out with the nicknames for just one night?” Phil knew there was desperation in his voice.

“Sure thing,” Phantom answered readily.

_That was weirdly easy…_

“I guess I’ll just stick with calling you Phil tonight.” The smirk was obvious in his voice.

Phil’s blood ran cold. How did he know that?

“You doing okay there Phil?”

Phil snapped his attention to the other man. He was treating this like another game. He was treating Phil’s life like a game.

In a flash, Phil was suddenly right by the offending man, landing a punch to the man’s cheek. Phantom was thrown a couple feet away by the momentum.

The man groaned, but surprisingly got up as if nothing had happened. Phil knew he had to be in some pain after a direct hit like that. He didn’t care though.

“How’d you find out my name?” Phil demanded.

“Touchè topic, I see.” His words still sounded like a groan but in his next sentence, all traces of pain were hidden away. “Don’t worry about the name thing though. I won’t give out my boyfriend’s information without permission.”

Phil couldn’t believe he was still on that kick right now. He couldn’t focus on that until he had his question answered.

“How. Did. You. Find out?” He reiterated.

“Jeesh. Why don’t we punctuate every word for emphasis? That’ll be intimidating.”

Despite his words, Phil noticed that the other was keeping a distance.

“If you really want to know, you could go on a date with me. It appears that you don’t have a spouse and by the sounds of it, your family seem like wonderful people.”

He didn’t know when to quit. Phil in a blind fury, sent blasts aiming to kill the man. Expecting this, Phantom dodged letting Phil only smash the windows.

“It was actually a tracker. They do wonders for a person. But seeing as you’re stressed out tonight, I’ll take my leave.”

Before Phil could process these words, he felt himself being wrapped around in a cord and Phantom had jumped out the three story window, bounding away.

He realized that he’d just been tricked. Phantom knew that he’d throw Phil over the edge. He knew that he would lash out and create an exit. Phil had played into his hands. Phantom also knew Phil’s identity.

That terrified him. The villain was now aware of his family, friends, address, career and everything else he could think of. While Phantom wasn’t as malicious as the other super villains, this wasn’t okay. All it took was a slip of the tongue for someone much worse to find him.

Eventually, Phil broke free from his restraints. He had long ago assumed that Phantom used his money to hire a weapons designer. All of their encounters seemed to be riddled with new tech designed to disable Phil in some form. That’s when the police arrived to the scene.

Looking at Phil alone without a suspect, they figured it out.

“Phantom Dove?” The chief of police approached him.

Phil looked at the officer ruefully. “Of course it was. But we have a new problem.” Phil paused and the man looked at him questioningly. “He knows my name.”

“Shit.”

“I know.”

“Do you think he’ll…?”

“No. He won’t tell everyone. Not on purpose. But he knows where I live. He knows my family.”

“What do you want to do?”

Phil appreciated that the he was letting Phil choose how they were to proceed. While Phil was a vigilante, he worked alongside the law. He built up a well enough repore that they were able to help each other out on occasion.

“I want to catch him. I’ll set up some new security in my home and alert my family. They should be far enough away that Phantom won’t do anything. Otherwise there’s nothing I really can do.” Sadly Phil knew this to be the case. He didn’t want any more people to know his identity and that included the police force.

“Alright, but for now Phantom Dove is public enemy number one.”

That he was.

**Dan’s POV**

“Fucking badger tits,” Dan cursed wince as he tended to the welt on the side of his head. He is 99% sure that if his mask didn’t absorb blows that he’d be knock out and dead right now.

Instead he was sent home, tail between his legs, to lick his wounds. And holy cock sucker did a direct hit hurt.

After this Dan was definitely going to improve his suit. Not only did he look like he’d been brutally mugged, but he also had a few burns where Phil’s lasers had made it past his suite. He really should’ve laid off the whole identity thing.

Not worth it.

He just hoped he’d concealed his pain well. He was used to hiding pain, so he didn’t think Phil would’ve noticed with how furious he was.

In hindsight, that all was a very bad idea. Dan was so used to having no one that the idea of worrying about others didn’t occur to him. Hence why he should’ve been surprised when Phil became a tad bit murderous.

Turning on his t.v., he thinks he may of misunderstood the full scope of what he did. While law enforcement had always been keen on capturing him, the news was calling for a full on man-hunt. They must’ve thought he was a legit danger to Phil now.

Whoops.

How was he supposed to know that secret identities were a sore topic?

_I’m an idiot…_

Fine, okay, it should’ve been common knowledge that he shouldn’t go digging into Phil’s identity. He gets that now. He still would’ve done it, but now he knows that he shouldn't’ve let Phil know that he had done that. He was just lucky that the man had accidentally destroyed an exit for him. That wasn’t exactly a part of the plan, but Dan wasn’t sure if he would have made it if Phil hadn’t gone all Wreck-It Ralph on him.

With that new understanding of how humans work, Dan supposed he should go underground for a bit. He was in no condition to go out fighting for a while and still had injuries from other encounters with Phil. Not to mention that his face was now swelling like a balloon. An ugly purple balloon that was blocking vision in his left eye and desperately needed some ice on it.

Dan went to get said ice trying to think of things to do in the meantime. He was already planning on improving his suit. He wanted to make it more shock absorbent and perhaps make some power boosts for punches. While Dan typically liked to be evasive in combat, he was beginning to think he should have more options. He always like to take notes on how to improve the suits for the next crime. He also needed to work out how to make the thing more laser-proof. Dan would need more information on laser beams and that kind of information was hard to come by in a safe environment. Though he could work on some higher tech for the his mask instead. He could install something to record and analyze fights. He already had a version of Siri in it that told him when police were nearby. It couldn’t be that hard to do.

At this point, Dan was buzzing with ideas. The options were endless and he wasn’t short on funds. Although one idea in particular stuck with Dan.

He should mess with Phil.

Given, it was a stupid idea, but honestly he couldn’t get much worse than manhunt and an already furious Light Knight. With that in mind, Dan went on his computer and placed in an order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Checked through what I had for a second chapter and deemed it okay to post. It's also on my tumblr account. Let me know how you liked it or what you think should happen. I'd love to hear some feedback

**Author's Note:**

> So as I mentioned, this has just been on my drive for a bit. I mainly post it because why not? It's a bit cheesy (it's supposed to be >_<) but I liked the concept and if you do too, please let me know. Also let me know if you want more of this fic in the future.


End file.
